Reflecting at 5 years

5 Years ago today, 2 young, and very much in love people woke up far too early to start a day that was a comedy of errors, but eventually led to the temple, and a beautiful sealing ceremony.

We were late.
Shaun's shoes were missing.
It was determined Shaun's shoes got thrown away.
There was dumpster diving involved.
No shoes were found.
Shaun had no other church shoes.
Shaun ended up wearing his dad's old church shoes which were polished lovingly and quickly by his mother.
We were so late.
Our photographer beat us there.
It was freezing.
I was the only one without sleeves.
The black trash bag I stood on to protect my dress is visible in most of our pictures......(thanks for that...)

And yet, 5 years later, none of it matters.

If the last 5 years have taught me anything it is to be flexible. Plans are a joke. Plans normally get tossed out the first open window.

5 years in, and I don't think a SINGLE thing has gone as planned. And guess what? It doesn't matter.

At the end of our first year of marriage we were still pretty clueless. Very much in love, and adventurers! In the first year we had driven from coast to coast, or at least that was what we liked to claim. We had driven from Utah to Washington State to meet Shaun's family, and then when we moved from Utah to Florida, we drove. We drove from coast to coast, in Shaun's red Pontiac G6. We learned so much that first year, about each other and ourselves, and about us as a couple. It really was a year of discovery. And that was what 1 year of marriage got us.

The second year of marriage brought a baby, and work, and school and discovery. We personally grew so much this year. As I added the role of "mother" to student and wife, and as Shaun added "father". Bowen was added to our little family, and the love between the two of us grew in ways we never could have dreamed possible. Shaun somehow managed to balance husband, dad, student, and employee, in ways that I still don't fully understand and find possible, but he did it. And with grace, and little to no sleep! We gained such a greater compassion for the world, and each other. My thoughts and beliefs about Shaun's ability to be an amazing father were proven to be absolutely true. And I watched him transform into an incredible version of himself, but better, higher, more determined, right in front of my eyes. I also watched him melt, and transform and mold and discover who he really was and what he was really capable of right in front of me. And that was what the 2nd year of marriage brought us.

The 3rd year of marriage was a big one. With baby in tow Shaun graduated, and we set out on an adventure. I found out exactly how capable Shaun is. How determined he is. How unwilling to give up he is. We moved to Florida, without really a plan, other than "find a job" just to find that job in Vegas. (remember when I said all plans go out the window?) So we moved to Vegas, and we got thrown into a world of social work, and foster kids, and progress notes, and behavior modification. And MAN was it an adventure! And I got to watch my husband SHINE. In case you guys want to know (and this has become more evident in more recent years, but I'm adding it here,) Shaun was MADE for this, when I met Shaun, he told me that he wanted to help people, he wasn't sure how, and as a history major, I kind of laughed at him, "How are you going to help people, with a history major?!" but MAN! He has taken his minor in sociology, and MADE IT WORK. and this our 3rd year of marriage, I got to see the first glimpse of that. He is incredible at what he does, and his employers know it, and value him so much, and that has REALLY become evident in the last couple of months and weeks, but this was the VERY start of it. The seed was planted this year, and we're starting to see the fruits of the labor, and it is incredible. Our 3rd year of marriage, we were stretched, and tried, and in some ways we failed. Not even going to lie, we found out there are somethings we are really bad at.  But we learned. And we grew. And we grew. I think if I had to sum up our 3rd year of marriage, it was a year of growth.



They say the first 5 years are the hardest. I've reminded myself of that, multiple times. "If I can just get through the first 5 years..." the last 2 years have tested us in ways that I'm not sure I can adequately describe.  This day has been my "finish line" for a long time, not that I think everything will be rainbows and butterflies from here on out, but I can tell you that our relationship is so much stronger standing here today, at this quasi "finish line" than it was 2 years ago.  We have truly been through the refiners fire. We have truly been tested. A test I know others have been through, and struggled through, others have failed at, and to be honest, I don't blame them, one bit. Last year was BY FAR the hardest year of our marriage, but we made it through, together. I COULD NOT have survived last year without Shaun by my side. He was my rock. When I wanted to give up, when I was shouting to the sky, crying out for answers, when I broke down into sobs, he was there. He was unshaken. He was my constant, when everything else seemed to be moving, he was there. We lost 2 babies in our 4th year of marriage. And yet, we were unshaken from each other. When my faith was shaken, my Shaun was there. When I wanted to give up, he reminded me why we were going in the first place. He didn't judge me when I stormed out of the house, overwhelmed with everything. He just loved. And when I came back inside he didn't question, he just held, and loved, and soothed. He just loved. "God gave me you for the ups and downs...." That's my Shaun.   I know part of Shaun's job is to help, and to serve without judgement. But to see him, and to witness him, and be on the receiving end of that help and that service, without judgement was eye opening. And I gained a new appreciation for him, and the work that he does.  And that was what 4 years of marriage got us.

And this year, as we dealt with even more trials and challenges he was there. I know this is going to sound weird, but I don't think I have talked with my husband more about more things than I have this last year of marriage.  If the 4th year of our marriage was a year of spiritual bonding and closeness, this the 5th year of our marriage has been a year of emotional bonding and closeness. We have stayed up to all hours of the nights, talking about anything and everything. Some of our trials forced us to. Other times just because. We have truly just enjoyed being together. I have looked at couples who have been together for forever and wondered how they could feel "close" and "love" talking about the most mundane crap, and I feel like, this year, I get it. This year we reached "old and boring" status, and I AM PROUD of that!!!  We have been through so much this year, more tests and trials. But it has been amazing to witness the foundation we have built sustain us, and hold us, and support us, as we navigated this year, we were able to grow and build and sustain ourselves. And that was what 5 years of marriage got us.

I have often wondered how we would have fared had we gotten our start in a place other than the Lord's house. Would we be here today? Would we be as strong? I cannot imagine that being so.  I am so grateful for the gospel, and for our eternal marriage to be able to give us an eternal perspective through all the trials and challenges we have been through. I think about how much more I know my husband, and how much closer I am to my husband after these 5 years, and in particular these last 2 years, and I wouldn't trade them for the world.


As I have written this I have thought about a few of my friends who are engaged, preparing for marriage, what they must be thinking, reading this. HAVE NO FEAR! Not everyone's first 5 years are like this. And you know what, even if they are, you will be better for it. We all wish marriage could and would be "Happily ever after" and as happy and as thrilled as I am to be married, marriage is not easy. It is WORK. Hard work. But work so worth the effort. Work so worth the reward.

Shaun, we made it! Happy 5 years love! I love you. I am so glad that I have gotten to spend the last 5 years with you. I am so much more in love with you today than I ever thought would be possible.

Here's to 5 more years, love!