Love.
(I may or may not send Shaun cat ones on a regular basis.)
I stumbled across a meme the other day that was so hurtful that I have cried about it several times. It has hurt me so deeply.
Maybe because I spent SO long just trying to find a doctor, a pediatrician, an allergist, someone to believe me when I said "my son is having allergic reactions."
Just for them to ask me "Well, what is happening?" and I would describe what was happening and they would dismiss it, as a "stomach bug" or "eczema" or "just a rash." And no one believed me. Meanwhile I was 'just a mom' and I went home from every doctors appointment doubting myself FOR YEARS. Literally YEARS of my son's life. No one believed me. But I didn't stop fighting. I cried in to my pillow so many nights, thinking "maybe I am crazy." "Maybe Bowen isn't allergic to anything, and I'm just crazy." "Maybe I should listen to the doctors. Maybe they know best."
I am so glad I didn't listen to the doctors.
I am so glad I never stop doubting them.
I am so glad I never stopped fighting.
(I am in tears writing this right now.)
As most of you know, 2 days after Christmas 2 years ago, my sweet little boy picked a Reece's puff cereal off the ground at a friends house, and immediately started going into anaphylactic shock. I knew something was wrong the second I looked into his eyes. I will never forget asking my husband over and over "what is wrong with his eyes?" Something was terribly wrong with my baby.
I thought my son was going to stop breathing that day.
Shortly after that awful experience we met with Bowen's pediatrician and asked for a referral to an allergist. He refused. I went back to thinking I was crazy all over again.
Are you starting to see why this stupid meme hit me so hard?
It literally brings me to tears that there are people in this world that think I make this crap up. That I enjoy carrying around epi-pens for fun, for attention. That I enjoy obsessing over ingredient labels and bothering waiters and chefs at restaurants. That would want to harm my sweet boy, simply because they don't believe he is actually allergic.
I didn't stop fighting.
I switched doctors. I found a pediatrician who immediately gave us epi-pens and an referral for more testing, testing which confirmed ALL (EVERY SINGLE ONE) of the allergies which I had suspected for all of those years. Those allergies which other doctors told me I was making up. They were real. I literally cried. I cried in the car after our appointment. I cried the whole way home. I was finally validated.
I never stopped fighting for my baby.
I have been on the actual real life receiving end of this meme. I have had people who I know and hold dear to my heart, and medical professionals call me crazy for thinking my son was allergic. Only to wait YEARS to find out I really wasn't crazy. I wasn't looking for attention. I was trying to save my son's life. Trying to protect it.
There are some days were it hits me how fragile my sweet Bowen's life is, and I hold him a bit tighter for a bit longer. When I see crap like this on the internet I go into his bed at night when he is sleeping and cuddle him, and cry into his pillow and vow to protect him.
I will always fight for my son.
"....As long as I'm living my baby you'll be."
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