NICU life sucks (getting into the NICU)

I cannot tell you how happy I am to no longer have a baby in the NICU.

When Nathan was born, he had great APGARs.

When they took him to weigh and measure him Nathan's nurse called one of the NICU nurses for a second opinion. His breathing and oxygen saturation where kind of all over the place. When the NICU nurse got there, she was unbelievably rude. The NICU nurse said something along the lines of "You called me for a second opinion on a baby who's heartrate is xyz and who's oxygen is 99%???"and scoffed. (When it was happening we kind of thought, "man, our nurse is foolish, our baby's fine." but looking back, she was on to something. She picked up on everything that was sounding alarm bells, just 2 days later.)

From the moment he was in my arms, his breathing was just all over the place. I asked the nurse about it twice before we left L&D. She kind of went over what to look for, and said something along the lines of  "some babies just need a little bit to figure it out." Nathan was also REALLY gaggy. I mean, he kept gagging on air. "some babies are just a little gaggy." He came so quickly everyone kept just putting it off as that. "He didn't get the squeezing most babies do, as they are born, because he was born so quickly." And it made sense to me. It did. Maybe he a bit of extra fluid in his lungs. Maybe he swallowed a little more than normal. Maybe this. Maybe that.

His first 24 hours were a little unremarkable. He ate like normal. He had a couple smaller poopy diapers. He gagged. His breathing was a little wonky, but he kept breathing, and every time they checked his vitals, it was within limits.

Then he failed his hearing screen. (and we joked, because hannah had passed hers.)

Twice.

Then he failed a congenital heart screening.

Twice.

Then we went to the NICU for an hour of observation.  (because his oxygen saturation wouldn't stay over 96%)

Then he had an echo. And it looked perfect.  (relief, thought we were going home.)

We made it back to our room, and at that point, it had been almost 6 hours since he had last eaten. And I was starting to get worried. I asked to speak with the LC on staff, Lisa. And we talked for a bit and thought "maybe he's just extra sleepy today. He'll wake up soon." But he just kept dozing. For those next couple hours, he would nurse, for like less than a minute. And EVERY TIME he would throw up. And I just kept thinking "this kid has an awful gag reflex." Then slowly what he was throwing up went from milk colored to brown. And I was concerned. I called Jessica the nurse in, And she said "it'ts probably just some of the meconium he swallowed, we'll keep an eye on it."

The LC came back in about an hour later, found out he still wasn't really eating, and immediately took action. "We need to get you a pump, and we need to get milk into him. Now." I thought she was a little over the top. But I was starting to get concerned. When Bowen was born, all he did for the first months of his life was eat. He never not wanted to eat. It was constant. Hannah was the same. So here was this baby, and he didn't want to eat. And I couldn't figure it out.

She brought me a pump. And I pumped. And I got close to 1oz, and shocked everyone. So, we put the milk in little syringes and syringe fed him 5mls. He took it. And immediately threw up. Not like spit up. But like through his nose, projectile. And it was highlighter yellow.  Jessica walks in and I'm like "this is really concerning me." I showed her the blanket he puked on. And she said something like "Let me go ask NICU about this."

She comes back, and didn't really mention it. So I thought maybe it was ok. She had actually called Nathan's pediatrician. And the pediatrician requested that the NNP (neonatal nurse practitioner) come in and evaluate him. But this was not communicated well to me.

It was afternoon by this time, and I honestly still believed we were on our way to being discharged, because I had not heard otherwise.

So we keep syringe feeding. And cleaning puke. And pumping.

At this point I am exhausted. And I just want to go home.

Sunday night I didn't sleep. I was in labor.

Monday night I didn't sleep. Shaun had gone home to take care of Bowen and Hannah. So I was up fielding questions to nurses, Nathan got a bath, nursing. (he was nursing like a typical newborn at that point). They took him for his 24 hour newborn screen, and his first heart screen, and he was gone about an hour and half, so i slept, for an hour and a half.

Tuesday was chaos. We literally started meeting with doctors at like 6 am, and didn't stop. (hearing, heart, cardiologist, on call pediatrician, our actual pediatrician,  NICU observation ETC ETC ETC)  I didn't sleep.

So here we are Tuesday afternoon, and I just want to go home, and sleep. Remember the nap I wanted before I gave birth. I NEVER GOT IT! And I hadn't slept since Saturday night.

About 5 NICU came in. I was totally blindsided by it.  Like I said it was not communicated down to me very well. And the nurse said "we're going to keep him." I had no idea what that meant.  The NNP left the room and I asked my nurse "so what is going on exactly?"

She explained that the NICU was going to make sure they had a bed for him, and then we were going to take him over there, and he would be admitted. She told me that they may just keep him for a few hours, or just for 24 hours, but that would be up to them.

So I take Nathan over there. And I hang out with him for a little while. And the nurses explain that I am going to need to leave so they can start an IV. And I'm all "huh." I told the NICU nurse that we were told there was a chance we could still go home tonight. And she said "no, he's going to be here last for the next 24 hours, so he needs an IV." They then explained he was going to not be allowed anything by mouth (NPO) for at least 24 hours. I was in such denial. Seriously, typing this, 9 weeks later, I can't believe I honestly thought I was taking him that night, but I did.

So I began my walk back to my postpartum room. Alone. I am positive I cried every step. I got to the room. And I was alone. Completely and totally alone. It was the worst kind of quiet.

Soon Shaun got there. And I told him what was happening.

We dropped our littles off at a friends (thanks Jane!) and shaun came back and we went back to see him together. They had done an IV, and we were told he was "a very very hard stick." They had also placed a tube in his mouth that went down to his stomach that was sucking out all of his stomach contents. If (when) his bowels started backing up into his stomach, it would be suctioned out. It was horrible to watch. Every time the suction turned on, he would gag and dry heave. It was AWFUL. Seriously. Weeks later just thinking about it makes me want to cry.

Shaun went and got the (bigger) littles while I waited to be discharged. He brought them to the hospital and we waited. My OB came in, and I was eating chocolate. I told him I was self medicating because Nathan was in the NICU, and I didn't know how else to cope. He said that my insurance allowed one more night if I wanted to stay. I told him that I hadn't slept since Saturday night, and I just wanted to go home and sleep. So he signed the discharge papers. Soon the nurse came in, and she got us ready to leave. Per policy I had to be wheeled down to the car (regardless of the fact I had been walking all around the L&D floor, to NICU and back). I tried to get Hannah to sit in my lap so it wasnt so empty. But *that* was against policy.

They got us down to the car, we stopped at chipotle where dinner was waiting for us (thank goodness for online ordering). Then we went home to eat. It was almost 10 at that point. Everyone was so tired. Looking back now. I am so grateful Bowen and Hannah were both there as we went home. I cannot imagine how much harder it would have been to leave the hospital lone. To get home and have to explain to them that Nathan had to stay. (where they saw the empty hospital room, they watched us leave without him. They understood the best they could.) I don't remember much about that first night. Other than taking a shower, pumping, and going to bed. I don't remember if either of them asked about Baby. I don't. I don't remember how Bowen got to school the next day.

I do remember Hannah not sleeping in her bed, and insisting on cuddling with me.  I took this photo and posted it on facebook with this caption:

Ever since Hannah was born she has been Ike balm for my soul. 

Normally sleeping next to her is like sleeping next to a sword fish, who has ants. But last night she just sweetly cuddled.

She was exactly what I needed. For as crazy as she is she always seems to just know.

This was his crib card in the NICU 

(his length is wrong in this picture)

Leaving the hospital without Nathan was one of the hardest things I had ever done. And if I was perfectly honest, if you had asked me that night "why is he in the NICU" I had no idea. None. And I can promise you, that, the not knowing, did not help.

Oh Nathan.

So, I had a baby.



I told Shaun last week that I felt like the fierceness of Nathan's birth was being overshadowed by his stay in the NICU, which has completely taken over our lives. So before his birth becomes even more buried by xrays, surgery, feedings, pumping etc etc etc I want to write it down. I'm going to try to make it through this whole post without mentioning the NICU again. Let's see how it goes!

Nathan's birth was nothing like Bowen or Hannah's. With both Bowen and Hannah I was induced at 41 weeks. I kept joking with Shaun that "this baby is going to be a March baby." I was due Feb 23rd, and expected I would, once again, go at least a week over. Well, Nathan had other plans.

I had scheduled an induction for Feb 28th, and thought to myself, I'll probably be in labor for a while and have a baby March 1. Well, as my induction approached, my to do list grew. Soon it was Sunday night (Feb 26th) and I was making a list of everything I needed to accomplish the next day before my induction the following day. On that to do list, along with laundry and cleaning, was registering at the hospital. (oops.)

Well, as I was getting out of the shower the night of the 26th, I could just not seem to dry off. Shaun was laughing at me, because I was frantically trying to dry myself off so I could put Hannah to bed (who was up way past her bedtime) and I just could not get dry. Finally, I went to the bathroom and I said to Shaun, "I think my water broke, and I'm leaking..." He didn't think I was serious. It took a good 30 minutes of "no, really, i'm wet." before Shaun believed me. Then we had a "oh crap, now what?" moment.  I wasn't have contractions. The family that was supposed to watch Bowen and Hannah were out of town and getting into town the next day. I texted our back up family. It was about 11;30 at that point, and Hannah was finally asleep, I thought to myself, "I'll try to get some sleep, if I start to have contractions, I'm sure they will be mild, and if no contractions, I will go in first thing in the morning." Well, I wasn't able to sleep. At all. About 1 in the morning, I started having contractions. I was just laying in bed, and started wondering what on earth we were going to do with Bowen and Hannah. At 2, I got out of bed, woke Shaun up, told him we should probably call our back up family, and think about heading to the hospital. I didn't think I was close to having a baby, as much as I wanted to get to the hospital to get an epidural and take a nap. I was so so so tired. I had an epidural with both Bowen and Hannah and gotten a nap with both of them before giving birth. I just wanted a nap.

So, at 2, I got in the shower, and told Shaun to let the Harpers know we would probably be there around 3. We didn't have a hospital bag ready, and nothing at all ready for the kids. I thought I would stand in the shower, and enjoy the hot water, and let Shaun get everything ready.  The shower was heavenly. The only reason I got out was because I used all the hot water..... The contractions were so manageable, I thought for sure I had hours and hours left to labor. I just wanted a nap.

We dropped Bowen and Hannah off shortly before 3. Sitting in the car was miserable. I was much much much more comfortable standing. We got to the hospital shortly after 3, and walked in, realizing we had dropped off my hospital bag with the kiddos. Oops. We went up to L&D and told the lady my water had broken and I was there to have a baby. The lady sitting next to her said "I recognize your name." She had just looked at the induction schedule for the following day and I was on the list. We just got there a little early. :D

They took me right back and gave me a gown to wear, I explained that I had worn my own clothes for the previous 2 births, and I wanted to do that again. The nurse argued with me about how I was required to wear the hospital gown. We went back and forth for 20 minutes. She did an IV, and was asking general questions about who my OB was, how far along I was, etc etc etc. Finally, mostly to get her to stop talking about it, I put on the hospital gown, and got into bed, so they could do their required monitoring for 20 minutes. I was not happy about having to be in bed for 20 minutes, especially because all I wanted was a nap.

After being in bed for a few minutes, she checked me, and I swear it was the longest vaginal check of my entire life. I remember thinking "what the heck is taking so long?!" Right as she was done, my water broke, again, all over her. Like soaking her shirt. It was by far the best part. I was so frustrated with her for not letting me wear my clothes it was a nice little pay back. I, of course, apologized and continued laughing.

I remember one nurse talking to another and she said "She's just going to go." I didn't understand what that meant at first, then she turned to me, and told me I was at a 9. I was delusional at that time, and I remember asking if I still could get an epidural. I wanted a nap so bad. (Did I mention I wanted a nap?!) I immediately felt like I needed to push. And just a few minutes later I had a baby on my chest.

Shaun and I both thought Nathan was going to be a boy for a long time. Every now and then we would entertain the thought of him being a girl, and think "heaven help us if we have 2 girls!" Hannah is by far the most spoiled little one ever. We were and are very excited to have a little boy to join our family. He is perfect.

Nathan was born at 3:50 in the morning. Less than an hour after arriving at the hospital parking lot. They didn't even get their 20 minutes of required monitoring on the machine. Looking back they were lucky to get an IV in.

I was in complete disbelief.  I had gotten it so far in my head that 1)I couldn't have a baby without medical intervention. 2) I couldn't go into labor without being induced. 3) When I was in labor, early labor was slow. 4) I was not cut out to laboring naturally. and many many others.

And yet, there I was, baby on my chest, signing papers to officially be admitted to the hospital. There is a photo Shaun took of me, completely bewildered, Nathan on my chest, signing consent to be treated papers. It is my favorite.



While the nurses were surprised how quickly I delivered after getting there, and one in particular kept giving me grief about it. Shaun and I could not believe how big Nathan was. Bowen and Hannah had both been 7lbs, (7lbs 8 oz, and 7lbs 5oz) I thought I just made 7lb babies who need an extra week to cook, and a nudge to come into the world. Nathan proved it all wrong. Coming into the world, on his own, only 4 days past my due date, and at just over 9 lbs! He didn't even look that big! (He was also almost 2 inches longer than Bowen and Hannah too!) I expected a 9lb baby to be CHUNKY, and he was not. He was built like a line backer! Solid, from head to toe. His thighs were almost as big as his waist! He didn't fit into newborn diapers. He doesnt fit into newborn clothes.

Nathan is 2 weeks old today. And I just cannot believe it.  He absolutely loves cuddles, and to be held. He doesn't like the Moana soundtrack (good luck kid!) and is currently addicted to his paci. (but only the orange one!)

I think we'll keep him. ;)

Hannah's Birth story

So before I get started, if any of the following words offend you, you may want to stop reading now: cervix, vagina, uterus. 

Now that we have that covered..... There are photos in this post, but they are G-rated.  (unless you have a problem with breastfeeding... then maybe they aren't G-rated for you...)

Moving right along.

I'm going to start at the beginning, the very beginning, because so so so few people actually knew I was pregnant. So if you were one who woke up the morning of January 21st, SHOCKED to see that I had had a baby, take heart. You were not alone!

I found out I was pregnant on Mother's Day. I will always remember that. And tell my baby girl that. I cannot tell you how special that is to me. That Mother's Day was profound. Obviously. And started us on our journey to this beautiful little girl who we now hold. We found out VERY early on that we were once again at risk for losing her. And I started taking medication to try to prevent another miscarriage.  The medication made me very sick. And it was extremely hard. But I'd do it all again in a heart beat. I spent the first 14 weeks of my pregnancy laying around trying not to puke, trying to eat anything I could manage to stomach.   I was SO grateful when week 12 came around and I could start weaning off of the medicine. And when week 14 came and I didn't have to take any of it any more, we rejoiced. 

Other things you should know before I get into labor details. 

We didn't find out the gender. We had MANY opportunities as I was having ultrasounds every 2-4 weeks being high risk. But we decided to be surprised and it was one of the best decisions we made. We went back and forth on whether or not we thought it was a boy or a girl. But as we got closer to meeting our little one, finally, we both really thought it was going to be a girl, and WE WERE RIGHT! 

Hannah was LATE, just like her big brother, who took his sweet time coming into the world. She did too. I kept thinking I would go into labor the first week of January. HA! She had other plans. We all also thought she was going to be one chunky baby. They had her estimated weight at 36 weeks to be just under 6 lbs. So I thought, well this baby has had another 4.5 weeks to cook in there. This baby is going to weigh at LEAST 8 lbs. HA! She weighed 3 oz less than Bowen. 

This baby got the affectionate nickname of "couch potato." as every non-stress test I had baby was sleeping. I was often offered juice and crackers. Which was a joke. As I recently found out that I am allergic to apples and I am severely gluten intolerant, suspected celiac. They once even brought me peanut butter crackers when Bowen was with me, I could not get them to get them to take the crackers out of the room fast enough. She would move around a bit but not enough to satisfy their test. She was just super chill, her heart rate wasn't "variable enough." So we would sit on the monitors for hours, waiting for "baby to wake up." Eventually baby would "be awake enough" to satisfy their needs and we would be able to leave. 

Because of the hemiplegic migraine I had at 23 weeks pregnant I personally was not comfortable waiting much past my due date for baby to come. And neither was my doctor. Migraines are often triggered by the fluctuations of hormones, and there's huge fluctuations right before a women goes into labor. From what I had read most women had experienced more frequent and more severe hemiplegic migraines before they went into labor and during labor. To the point that the majority of women that I talked with, who had a history of hemiplegic migraines scheduled c-sections to avoid this.  Being in labor and not being able to use half my body or be able to communicate at all was a HUGE MASSIVE fear of mine.  When Shaun and I talked about labor our conversations almost always fell back on this. What he was to do if I were to get a migraine in labor. Because the nursing staff would most likely freak out, and rightly so, because it does really look like a stroke. But thankfully this ended up not being an issue at all. And I cannot express how grateful I am for that. But it was a risk I was unwilling to take, waiting longer to go into labor. So, 5 days past my due date, I was induced.

The day before I was induced we had a "double date" with Shaun's mom and Bowen. It was a lot of fun. 

So we show up at the hospital and they get us back and into a room pretty quickly. But my OB was unable to be reached. So we sat around for a bit and then the nurse "saw decels"  (deceleration in baby's heart rate after contractions I was already having, keep in mind, no medicine had been started.)  They had been having a hard time keeping baby's heart rate on the monitor the whole time, and baby was "sleeping" again. So there I am sitting on the yoga ball, snacking, waiting for my OB to call back, waiting for meds to be ordered so my induction could actually be started, when our nurse walks in "I'm REALLY concerned about your baby."  I had been watching the monitor, and was very unconcerned. I knew exactly what she was talking about when she walked in. And thought she was joking at first. But she insisted I wear an oxygen mask and climb into bed.  We found it a bit ridiculous, so we snapped some photos.  So there I am, hours ago I was walking around the street, baby was unmonitored, probably doing the EXACT same thing, but since I was supposed to be induced and was waiting for med orders and the nurse "thought she saw something" all of a sudden there was some minor medical emergency. That required and oxygen mask and bed confinement. I had been given no medications that would have altered babies heart rate. Or started labor at this point. Shaun and I seriously considered signing an AMA form and walking out of the hospital. (This is why you don't do continuous monitoring in labor if you can avoid it at all....)  

Shortly after this photo was taken the nurse came back into the room. She had just gotten off the phone with my OB who had instructed her to start my actual induction. Instead of waiting for babies heart rate to become more variable like she was wanting. Thank goodness. Have I mentioned yet, how much I love my OB? So there I was, stuck in bed, oxygen mask on, it was nearing 4 hours past when my induction was supposed to begin. And FINALLY meds were flowing. We were so done with this nurse and it was nearing shift change so we were THRILLED! So out goes nurse Kelly, who needs glasses, enter nurse Kathy. I knew Kathy and I were going to get along the second she walked into the door. She ended up being JUST what we needed. 

So my induction was strictly pitocin, which may be referred to as Pit from here on out. Pit normally starts at a dose 2 and goes up by 2's (so 2, 4, 6, 8 ending at 10 or 12. I used to know these things....) When Kathy showed up, I was still on a 2 dose. And baby's heart rate still wasn't variable. Though she didn't have a single more decel. Shortly after Kathy took over, pit was turned up to a 4 (it never got turned up past a 4), and she talked with my OB on the phone and it was suggested that my water be broken and internal monitors be placed to see if the more sensitive monitors would pick up on variations.  Since my OB (Dr. W.) was attending a birth at a different hospital he asked that the on call OB at the hospital I was at do it, if I was ok with that. Once I found out who the on call Dr was, (Dr. H.) I immediately agreed.  Dr. H. is known in the Las Vegas valley as one of the best, most natural birth friendly doctors. I had heard nothing but wonderful things about him, but I had unfortunately risked out of his care. I was more than ok with him taking care of me and for him stepping in on behalf of my wonderful doctor since he couldn't be there.

So Dr. H came in, broke my water, and placed internal monitors. When I showed up at the hospital I was a 3, 80%. When my water was broken I was a 4, 90%. Contractions were very manageable, but I was dying to get out of bed. I knew I was not going to make it through an entire labor stuck in bed. 

Luckily for me, about 30 minutes after my water was broken nurse Kathy came back in with WONDERFUL news. The more sensitive monitors were picking up on slightly more variations in heart rate and NO decels. And while she was not yet comfortable with me taking the oxygen mask off, I got to get out of bed! I basically immediately jumped out of bed and onto the yoga ball.  Between sitting on the yoga ball, and my water being broken my contractions started to become more intense. And finally we started to actually work through them. Shaun sat behind me, on something, I have no idea what. When you're in labor, it doesn't matter. He would apply counter-pressure during a contraction and tell me things like "look at that mountain you just climbed" when I would look at the monitor after the contraction was over. My contractions would come in pairs. Two right in a row, and then a big break. Shaun swears this is how it was with Bowen, but I have no memory of that.  Eventually I was unhappy with our setup of counter-pressure/yoga ball and climbed back into bed, made a nest of pillows on the back of the bed and threw my self on top of it every contraction and Shaun applied counter-pressure that way. It was much more effective. 

This went on for a couple of hours. And Kathy was wonderful. She would come in and offer helpful suggestions. She could tell by the counter-pressure and the positions I was in that I was having back labor, just as I did with Bowen. About 11:00 I finally became aware of the time enough to realize I needed to take Topamax. I was not willing to risk having a migraine in labor. So Kathy took my bottle down to the pharmacy for them to verify that it was what I claimed it was. And SURPRISE! It was. So I took my Topamax.  About 11:30 what I affectionately have named "Topamax nap time" kicked in. Tomapax makes me insanely sleepy for about 30 min to an hour.  Where the urge/desire to sleep is overwhelming. I found my self laying in bed, in a position that Kathy suggested would help baby turn in to a more desirable position, trying to sleep in between contractions. It was a joke. I had been in labor for 5.5 hours and had just taken a drug that makes me sleepy. I needed sleep. Desperately needed sleep. I told Shaun. "I. NEED. SLEEP." I decided then and there that I would ask Kathy to check me, and if I was getting close to transition that I would just suck it up and do my best to sleep between contractions, and if I wasn't close to transition, I would get an epidural and sleep for a few hours, and then have it turned off again to continue laboring after I had gotten a nap. 

I was at a 5. So a lovely man came in and gave me an epidural. It was 11:48pm. (Keep that time in mind.) I asked Kathy when I got the epidural that when I came time to push if I could have the epidural turned off. I did this with Bowen, and wanted to do it again. She was a bit confused with the request at first, but agreed. After I got the epidural I was FREEZING but half asleep. Kathy came in with a HUGE armful of heated blankets and literally covered me from head to toe. No joke. She draped them over my head. She was wonderful. I didn't have to ask. She just did. Shaun said afterwards he was happy that we didn't hire a doula because she so perfectly acted as one for us. And I completely agree with him. She was JUST what we needed. I slept for 30 minutes roughly as Kathy stayed in our room draping blankets and logging medications and my epidural. I woke up, and felt different. And I was so glad she was in our room. I told her. "My tailbone hurts SO BAD! Would you mind checking me again? I know you JUST checked me, but it just hurts so bad!" She checked me again, I was at a 7. She turned off the Pit and told me to flip to whatever side I wanted to, now that my epidural was fully kicked in, and I didn't have to stay "level." (before the epidural kicks in fully you have to stay in a neutral position to prevent it from only working on the left side, or only the right side.) I thought this sounded like a lovely idea, to relieve pressure from sitting on my tailbone. So I flipped to my left side. She was standing right in front of me, Shaun was behind me, trying to sleep, we both thought it would be a couple more hours. The first contraction on my left side was MISERABLE. You know that feeling when you're stuck in the car and you JUST HAVE TO POOP. Like that second. And you don't think you're going to make it home? Or to a gas station? That was EXACTLY how the first contraction felt. The second contraction on my left side was an even more intense feeling of JUST that. I told Kathy. I said "Kathy, I know you JUST checked me, but I feel like I'm going to poop myself, can you check me again?" And I'm pretty sure she thought I was crazy. Because I literally had only had 2 contractions since the last time she had checked me. Only 5 minutes had passed.

But she listened to me and agreed to check me again. 

I kind of wish I had a video of her reaction and Shaun's reaction and my reaction, and how quickly our room filled. In 5 minutes I went from a 7, 0 station, to a 10 (completely dilated) +3 station.

I believe her words were "Your baby is RIGHT THERE." And then she called for help. Shaun quickly woke from his "slumber" and I started moaning through my contractions, still feeling like I was going to poop myself at any given second. But I cannot tell you the relief I felt when she told me it was just my baby. Kathy told me my Dr, (Dr. W) was about 20 minutes away and then asked if I thought I could wait for him to get there. I can't remember if I laughed at her or not, but I remember wanting to laugh at her. Surely that question was a joke. My answer was "No, there is NO WAY I can wait." (I was told I *had* to wait for my OB to show up with Bowen, and I was not going to do that again. If baby took her time getting there, fine. But I was going to be doing everything to relieve myself of what I was feeling. And that did NOT include waiting 20 minutes!) So there I was moaning my baby down. There was no beautiful breathing my baby down. No. I was moaning, roaring my baby down. It wasn't beautiful. It wasn't pretty. I'm pretty sure I was the least attractive I have ever been in my life moaning this baby out of my body. But it felt so right to do, and no one was saying otherwise. So I did. 

Very quickly things changed. Kathy appeared right in front of my face. "Baby's heart rate doesn't look good. We're going to have Dr. H come in and deliver baby. Dr. W. is on his way, but he isn't here yet. Is that ok?" Sure! I had no idea what that meant at the time "deliver baby." My mind immediately thought she meant baby was in enough distress that I was looking at episiotomy/forceps/vacuum/some assistance of some sort. "Help deliver Baby" what did she mean by that?  I had no idea. But in walked Dr. H, who I hardly knew, but trusted so much because of what I had heard about him, and his reputation in the valley. I knew if it was going to happen under his care, it was medically necessary. He came in, and took a seat at the foot of the bed. And watched the monitor. He did this for a couple contractions. Then everyone was on their feet. Dr. H included. Kathy was in my face again, trying to get my attention. "Kirsten, you need to push as hard as you can, and get your baby out, as fast as you can." I looked down and noticed Dr. H was no longer sitting. Everyone's demeanor had changed. I remember feeling like I was rolling around on the bed. I wasn't. But I remember feeling like I was. It was a strange feeling to accompany crowning. Dr. H was just there to catch our baby, as it turned out. Thankfully. I remember feeling like he threw her on my chest. He didn't but he did very quickly place her on my chest so that she could be stimulated enough so she could let out some good loud cries. 

Then some funny things happened. Well, I think they are funny. One of the things we wanted was to have the vernix rubbed into baby's skin, and not rubbed off, but because of the really scary heart rate as she was coming into the world, she got LOTS of extra stimulation which meant that a lot of the vernix got rubbed off. And Shaun, being the papa bear he is, was trying to tell the nurses to leave the vernix on her skin, and I think it was Kathy comes over and basically tells him to be quiet they're trying to make sure she's ok, enough to stay on my chest. I find it very funny now. Poor Shaun. He is such a good papa bear! 

The next funny thing that happened, the poor girl, was since we didn't know gender, and we requested that it not be announced, after they were done stimulating her and she had let out some good cries I tried to peek between her legs to see if she was a boy or a girl. Well, I only caught a glimpse of her umbilical cord, which was still intact and pulsing, and in between her legs, and I TOTALLY thought she was a boy for a SOLID 5 minutes, at least. Sorry baby.  We checked again, and sure enough, it was just an umbilical cord, and she was 100% girl!!!  

Finally my OB showed up, and told us, "next time I'm personally driving you guys to labor and delivery next time and sitting in your room until you have the baby." And we all laughed. Love him. He got there just in time to witness Shaun cut the cord and deliver the placenta. He gave us big hugs and told us "congratulations." 

Hannah Claire Vidinhar was born January 21st 2015 at 12:31am, she weighed 7 lbs 5 oz, 18 in. 

(You read that right, she was born less than an hour after I got the epidural. Kathy kept apologizing for not turning off the epidural like I had requested. To be perfectly honest, I don't blame her. It was a bit crazy. Whirlwind. Intense. Fast. But she was genuinely concerned that she hadn't got to do what I had asked of her. And I loved her even more for that. I was and am very unconcerned about it. It ended up being the last thing on my mind.)

I ended up asking to look at her tracings (heart rate) while she was being weighed and measured. And they were scary. She was tanking over and over again and taking a while to recover. It was not pretty. I also asked for the times to be read back to me. I told Kathy "It felt like everything happened SUPER FAST." It was then that I learned I went from a 7 to complete in 5 minutes. Absolutely insane. 

Anesthesiologist guy came back into the room in complete disbelief. I believe he was supposed to be checking on the epidural, as it was right around the hour mark, make sure everything was ok, and if I was comfortable. Yet there I was holding a baby in my arms. 

I LOVE that ^^^ photo. There's a quote by Ina May Gaskin that says "If a woman doesn't look like a goddess during labor, then someone isn't treating her right." Every time I see this photo I think of that quote. And let me tell you. Sitting in that bed, warmed blankets covering me from head to toe, with a wonderful nurse who just seemed to KNOW what I needed, I felt like a goddess. (That blanket behind my head is a left over one from after my epidural that managed to survive pushing.)

I love this photo of Shaun. I think this was the very first time Shaun got to hold Hannah. I. love. it.

Unfortunately since Hannah was born during flu season Bowen couldn't come on to the labor and delivery wing of the hospital. So this is how he met his baby sister. I LOVE how close he is to the phone and how he is trying to look at her so inquisitively.   

Those lips!

One of the nurses made the bow hat for us. :D

We asked to discharge as soon as possible. Which was 24 hrs. So we left the hospital at 1 am. We got some interesting looks. But I was so glad to be going home. 

Baby girl is now 2.5 weeks old and I cannot imagine life without her. 

Busy Little Bees!

We've been so busy the last few weeks. First and foremost,


WE GOT THE JOB!!!!!

I don't think I've been so happy about a phone call in my entire life! We put our lives on hold for this job. Really. Shaun stopped applying for other jobs, I didn't attend orientation for school here in Tallahassee (did I not mention I was going to be taking classes this fall.... oops?) We sat around the house, waiting by our phones. For WEEKS. Waiting to hear back about this job, and what the next step was, etc etc etc. I'm SOO glad that part is over.

What started as a "hey, Kirsten, I need you to fill out this application for a job." turned into a hey, you're moving to Vegas in a month! Welcome to the next chapter of your life! It was a month long process of lots of waiting, lots of Shaun, CALM DOWN (he was sooo excited he was like a new puppy for WEEKS about just the prospect of this job.)  But hey, next week we fly to Vegas, to see where we'll be living for AT LEAST the next 18 months of our lives!

Don't you remember how much I hated moving? Yeah, we'll be moving to Vegas into a temp apartment for a couple of months, and then moving again onto Boys Town campus, and then we'll have to move again once we leave the job. Uh.... I hate that part of the job... MOVING, but hey, I'll take it.

Shaun's so excited for this job, and honestly, I am too! Who would have ever thought I would have been excited about being a parent to teenagers when I'm just a few years removed from the situation myself.

I know a lot of you guys don't know much about my teenage years, but I'll suffice it to say, they were not pleasant. My senior year was one of the worst of my entire life, and that's saying something, given I spent more time my junior year in the hospital and in dr's offices than in class.   I was talking to Shaun about this, and not going to lie, I was beginning to doubt how good I'd be at this job based just off that fact. I can't show them how to have a great teenage years/time, because I didn't have it myself. And then I got to thinking about it. My life lacked stability, and that's EXACTLY what these kids need, and what we're being hired to provide. I'm going to be able to sit down next to theses kids and say, you know, I don't know the extent of your life, and how bad that this has been for you, but at the same time, I can honestly tell you how much having some grounding helped me. How much having someone in my life supporting me and my decisions has helped me.  Like I said in the interview, I want to be that difference for someone. And I'm excited about that opportunity.


Luckily this time around moving won't be so bad, since 90% of our life is already in boxes! (YAY!) But still. I hate the idea of it. I've never been big on change. And going from a town of 250,000 people to almost 2 MILLION is a HUGE change. I'm a small town girl. One of my life goals is to live in a cabin in the mountains where you can't get cell service. ;) That sounds like heaven to me.




Ok, so that's big, and new, and exciting, but there's other things going on in our lives, and I'd like to just touch on them for a second.

First, we went to the allergist, (FINALLY), and had Bowen tested. Well. That was stupid. Can I just say that? (The allergist tried to convince us that Bo's eczema wasn't eczema and that it was just because he drools when he's teething, even though he's got eczema all over his legs, and arms. What the what? Regardless, we've got two pedi's and a dermatologist backing us, so we'll continue to treat the eczema and ignore this random quack doctor!)   We came with a list of things we thought Bo was allergic to, and he tested negative on all of them. But, I had one of the foods (banana) a couple days later, guess who reacted? Yep. So we'll just continue doing what we've been doing. Avoiding. Because had he actually tested positive for these things, that would be the course of action. Though we do think he's less sensitive to shrimp, which Shaun's thrilled about.

Things Bo's allergic to, for the record:
Banana
Shrimp
Sesame Seeds


And thus we continue on.


Also, I've finally got the ball rolling on a group I've been trying to start here in town, (thanks to some very lovely other ladies). Which is like a catch 22. I Love the fact that it's finally started up, and it was a long time coming, but now I'm leaving and I feel like I won't get to enjoy the fruits of my labor! Speaking of labor, the group is for women in the postpartum period of life, regardless of how old their baby may be, to talk about and process their birth and their depression, if that's something they're suffering from, and all other related things. This was something I was a part of in Utah and benefited greatly from and decided to try and bring something similar here to Florida, after noticing a need within the community.   ***Confession time*** I had a traumatic birth. If you don't have a clue what on earth I may be talking about, I highly recommend reading this post from another blogger. It's not something I talk about, often, or hardly ever, actually, but I don't think that's healthy, so here I am, blogging about it to the world.
 
But the whole birth story is for another post, that I promise is in the works.

Thanks for reading the crazy long post,

Kirsten